All Around Toxic

My whole life has been filled with many empty promises, hate, anger, rage and most of all complete emptiness. I began filling that with the one thing I knew would make me feel good, even if it was temporary, men. I dated a guy I had no interest in but he was an upper classman and lost my virginity to him my freshman year homecoming night. We didn't last long after that and so I focused on school and sports just as I always had before. My sophomore year I became friends with popular girls and upper class girls. Now when your popular what comes next BOYS!!!! One night during the week we had a volleyball game and here walks in this beyond sexy guy and instantly locked eyes. I was smitten from that moment I knew I had to have that bad boy for myself. To my surprise the feeling was mutual and we both pursued one another and started dating. Shortly after we started dating I was introduced to weed which I knew he smoked already. He eventually talked me into trying it and after that first ...

 The weight of the world is a very heavy burden to carry. I have carried it for most of my life. Due to addiction with my mother I carried that burden very early on. I became the mother, the protector, the nurturer and the support my family needed. I helped care for my siblings in any way I possibly could. I can remember when people thought Norah,  my youngest sister, was my daughter because I carried her around everywhere. I held strong for so long until I couldn't anymore and fell into addiction myself at 19. I started partying very hard with drugs and alcohol. Everyday became the same routine for me. I would go to work as scheduled but come Wednesday night through Sunday night it was a lot of drinking. I'd wake up hung over take some pills go to work then time to go party hard and drive home. Many times I never remembered most of the night let alone how I could of even drove home so recklessly yet I still continued to do it. The next day I would get up and do it all over ag...

 From the moment we are born all these expectations for our life begin to form. We are taught everything good along with all the bad of this world we call home. As we begin to form into teens and young adults we have the choice to choose the good or the bad, right or wrong. Which way did you choose? I chose a whole lot of both and continued that path for most of my life. It eventually became destructive and before I knew it I lost myself along the way. There was no difference between the good the bad the ugly anymore. It was all one in the same for me and I couldn't decifer the difference anymore. I've made many mistakes in my life so many of us do but don't loose yourself in those mistakes. It took me completely spiraling out and loosing faith in everyway to realize it was time to get me back. Remember you are always forgiven but most importantly you have to forgive yourself or you won't be able to heal, move on and get that faith back in all humanity.