For most women growing up we dream of the day we get to be a mother. We dream of the day that pregnancy test says positive, we dream of that moment in time where all we hear is that strong heartbeat beating back saying, " Momma I'm here and your dreams have come true." In that exact moment we begin to cry, for some it's tears of sadness, happiness, excitement and relief. Every mother's struggle to get to that sound of a strong solid heartbeat is different. Some women have been trying for years either naturally or through IVF. Some women have had miscarriage after miscarriage before they got here. No matter her struggles before the moment of hearing her baby's heartbeat she knows she has succeeded and determined to do everything in her power to make sure that heartbeat continues on. As the pregnancy progresses past the first trimester onto the second and now on to the third little by little we begin to breathe easier and easier. As that due date approaches you become excited and at times anxious knowing this little human you've been protecting for the last nine months is about to enter into a world it knows nothing about. A world that will swallow you whole if your not prepared. A world that will do it's very best to bring you down day after day. A world that is very different than the world you grew up in. A world that has brought back so many negative sides to life. A world that is full of anger, rage, and pure evil. We mother's may feel that our motherhood journey begins the moment we hear that first heartbeat but it doesn't. The real work begins the moment we hear that first cry after delivery. We now know it's our job to teach love, respect, trust, honesty, independence, bravery and all the other things that life will try very very hard to break. It will be an up hill battle but know a mother's love can change the entire world point of view.
The weight of the world is a very heavy burden to carry. I have carried it for most of my life. Due to addiction with my mother I carried that burden very early on. I became the mother, the protector, the nurturer and the support my family needed. I helped care for my siblings in any way I possibly could. I can remember when people thought Norah, my youngest sister, was my daughter because I carried her around everywhere. I held strong for so long until I couldn't anymore and fell into addiction myself at 19. I started partying very hard with drugs and alcohol. Everyday became the same routine for me. I would go to work as scheduled but come Wednesday night through Sunday night it was a lot of drinking. I'd wake up hung over take some pills go to work then time to go party hard and drive home. Many times I never remembered most of the night let alone how I could of even drove home so recklessly yet I still continued to do it. The next day I would get up and do it all over ag...
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