As I sit here looking around all I see is judgment. Every person walking by whispering or looking my way doesn't see me. The real me. They see every wrong call I made every bad action I've taken and put me under a microscope of failure. I am not my failures. I am a real person whom tries every day to be a better person a better mom and all around a good human being. I want to be seen as a person who's overcome addiction who's gone through trauma and came out on the other side. I want my kids to be proud of me for all I've overcome and all my successes and accomplishments. I want them to know I never quit nor would I ever give up on them no matter what. This is a fight to be seen. This is a fight to grow from being seen as a failure to being seen as a human. This has become my life and my fight for now.
The weight of the world is a very heavy burden to carry. I have carried it for most of my life. Due to addiction with my mother I carried that burden very early on. I became the mother, the protector, the nurturer and the support my family needed. I helped care for my siblings in any way I possibly could. I can remember when people thought Norah, my youngest sister, was my daughter because I carried her around everywhere. I held strong for so long until I couldn't anymore and fell into addiction myself at 19. I started partying very hard with drugs and alcohol. Everyday became the same routine for me. I would go to work as scheduled but come Wednesday night through Sunday night it was a lot of drinking. I'd wake up hung over take some pills go to work then time to go party hard and drive home. Many times I never remembered most of the night let alone how I could of even drove home so recklessly yet I still continued to do it. The next day I would get up and do it all over ag...
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